Yes, that's why I said 'thought'. I think he figured that if he was allowed to truly be a monster again, he could lose those feelings, it could just be vampire vs Slayer again. It wouldn't have worked, certainly.

I don't think Spike stopped being a monster, per se? The chip forced him to interact with certain humans on a level beyond fun and food, and he was able to connect to them in a way he usually wouldn't. I think the attempted rape was the first time he truly felt any guilt, and that's what really scared the hell out of him, pushed him over the edge in to needing to make a change, one way or another.

I wish we'd been able to see him continue struggle with that without the soul, really.