deird_lj | Perfect For Home Or Office

This week

still_grrr's challenge was for a crack pairing (ie- a romantic pairing you'd have to be on crack to consider writing).
Here's mine.

Perfect For Home Or Office

“Wow,” breathed Willow.
“Wow,” Buffy agreed.
Xander rolled his eyes.
“He’s just…”
“Isn’t he?”
“I know.”
Dawn was sitting on the couch, scribbling in a notebook, but even she couldn’t help the occasional glance over to the figure in the hallway.

“He really is magnificent. Don’t you think so, Xander? Isn’t he wonderful?”
“Buff – it’s a coat rack. It doesn’t have a gender.”
“I know, but isn’t it the most supremely… masculine coat rack you’ve ever seen?”
“Buffy, it’s… Forget it. The coat rack is very masculine. You’re absolutely right.”
“Finished!” Dawn announced. She cleared her throat, and began:
Oh Coat Rack, my Coat Rack,
There’s nothing that you lack…
“Maybe we should move him. Willow? Do you think he’d look better in the dining room?”
…Your wood is so shiny and brown…
“Why don’t we try? Only be careful, Buffy. Don’t scratch his varnish.”

Xander checked his watch. “Come on,” he muttered, “how long does it take to collect firewood?”
“Xander?” Willow came over to him. “Are you okay? You seem kinda annoyed about something.”
He smiled, ruefully. “I’m fine, Will. I’m just getting pretty sick of love spells, that’s all.”
Buffy looked over. “I thought the love spell had been dealt with. Didn’t you guys steal RJ’s jacket?”
“You mean the jacket hanging on your mom’s old coat rack?”
“Xander! He’s not old. He’s mature.”
“Uh-huh. Mature. Got it.”

The doorbell rang, and Xander’s face brightened.
“That’ll be Spike with the firewood! Finally.”
Buffy’s face brightened too.
“That’ll be Anya with the furniture polish! Finally.”
Unfortunately, Buffy was right, and Xander retreated to the couch, muttering about magic and consequences.