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Dear God - if you keep this up, I might have to start taking you seriously...
So, I lost my keys.
Spent forty minutes this morning looking for them - in places that include the table, the coffee table, the piano, the wardrobe, the kitchen cupboards, the oven, inside my bed, the bathroom rubbish bin, the garden, the car, the garage, every drawer in the house, my bag, my other bag, my other other bag, the couch, and my secret chocolate supply.
They were NOWHERE.
Then, finally, I heaved a sigh of absolute disgust, and said "Hey! God! Can you please give me back my keys? They're kind of IMPORTANT."
That being done, I took one step forward, across the middle of my living room.
...and I stepped on them.
This is just getting ridiculous.
Spent forty minutes this morning looking for them - in places that include the table, the coffee table, the piano, the wardrobe, the kitchen cupboards, the oven, inside my bed, the bathroom rubbish bin, the garden, the car, the garage, every drawer in the house, my bag, my other bag, my other other bag, the couch, and my secret chocolate supply.
They were NOWHERE.
Then, finally, I heaved a sigh of absolute disgust, and said "Hey! God! Can you please give me back my keys? They're kind of IMPORTANT."
That being done, I took one step forward, across the middle of my living room.
...and I stepped on them.
This is just getting ridiculous.
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(Anonymous) 2009-08-16 02:17 am (UTC)(link)slaymesoftly
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I, however, do not believe in God - here's why:
1) I am nearsighted. I wear glasses for this. I do not wear these glasses in the shower. Therefore it is hard to tell what splotches on the shower floor are.
I see a splotch today, on the floor, and think, "Eh, probably dirt." I go about my showering business.
And FUCKFUCKFUCK IT MOVES. I lean down to tell what it is. IT'S A GIANT BUG.
And then I have to close my eyes to wash the shampoo out and THEN I OPEN THEM AND IT'S MOVING ACROSS THE FLOOR. AAHHHHHHH.
And then I get out and get someone else to kill it.
2) So then - directly after this, mind you - I go to have some lunch. I take a thing of milk out of the fridge, briefly noting that the lid's white instead of blue. "Huh, must have gotten a different brand without noticing, whatevs."
I pour a full glass, make the rest of my lunch, sit down, take a sip. FUCKFUCKFUCK IT TASTES DISGUSTING IT MUST BE SOUR. I pour it down the sink and take out the bottle to check the expiration date.
Was it sour, my friends? No, that's too simple! IT WAS FUCKING BUTTERMILK. WTF.
*sigh*
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(And ewww! Giant bug! *shudders*
I've had a huge spider on the wall next to my shower, and I almost put my hand right on it when I leant on the wall for a moment while getting out of the shower - but I think a big bug actually IN the shower would be worse...)
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And, i guess to justify not going to google a little :) - why do you have both?
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See, this is why we have a key rack :-p It's where keys go as soon as we enter the house, so that they don't end up in odd places like that :-p
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You can make your own - get some full-cream milk and put it in a jar with some marbles and just sit there shaking it for about an hour. You'll end up with butter on the marbles and buttermilk everywhere else in the jar :-) (or so my grade 5 teacher told me)
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Over an hour ago.
I have learnt about the following topics: buttermilk, milk, cockney rhyming slang, polari, Kenneth Williams, impersonators of Kennth Williams, The Goon show, Punch and Judy professors and swazzles.
And heavens knows what else.
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:-)
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Isn't that what men are for?
*runs away*
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*commiserates*
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I figured that meant God (who I imagined to look like a pilot with those cool leather goggles and a flowing scarf) was up in the clouds, listening to me, which was nice.
He doesn't listen to my pleas about taps anymore, so I guess it's a mutual disbelief nowadays. :-p
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Five years and one flat ago. Still makes me scream in my head.
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Ants, I can deal with - just squish 'em. I don't get grossed out by mosquitoes or flies, although they can be annoying. But big gross bugs or spiders - yeughhh. No.
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Basically it tastes very different from milk, which makes it gross when you're expecting regular milk. The Vegemite Effect, you might say.
And fuck if I know why it was in my fridge. For a recipe, maybe?
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Not always a man, though! ;)
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As is your icon.
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(http://klme.livejournal.com/2688.html")
not so random commenter