deird_lj

So, I lost my keys.

Spent forty minutes this morning looking for them - in places that include the table, the coffee table, the piano, the wardrobe, the kitchen cupboards, the oven, inside my bed, the bathroom rubbish bin, the garden, the car, the garage, every drawer in the house, my bag, my other bag, my other other bag, the couch, and my secret chocolate supply.

They were NOWHERE.


Then, finally, I heaved a sigh of absolute disgust, and said "Hey! God! Can you please give me back my keys? They're kind of IMPORTANT."


That being done, I took one step forward, across the middle of my living room.

...and I stepped on them.


This is just getting ridiculous.

I've spent another weekend almost entirely without internet.
This was not a good thing.

On the other hand, I was very busy, so at least I had plenty of non-internet-related things to do...

( my weekend )

We celebrated Passover last night.
(Yes, I said Passover. No, my family hasn't suddenly converted to Judaism. No, Passover isn't supposed to be for another month. Yes, we're very weird. Moving on...)

It's very different now that we've got the boys. For one thing, the order was kind of skewed. Sort of along the lines of "Caleb needs his nappy changed - can we do the Afikomen bit now?" and we all flip forward three pages, do that bit, and then flip back to where we're supposed to be up to...

And now that they can talk, I have officially resigned my post as the "youngest". (The youngest being responsible for asking a whole bunch of questions - and even though Alex was there last year, he couldn't ask questions, so I still did.) This year, Alex had been carefully practicing, so that whenever he was supposed to ask something, he'd say "Pa, why?" ...and we'd all interpret this, correctly, to be "why do we eat these bitter herbs..."

Caleb still can't grasp the idea of questions, but he had been taught how to say "hooray!" and wave his arms excitedly. So whenever we were doing "hallelujah"s, he'd chime in with another "hooray!"

Also, instead of reading the Passover story from Exodus, we read it from a picture book, and the whole thing became much more once-upon-a-time-y.

Overall? Much more chaotic - and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thursday Morning:
I attend a workshop on Ethics In The Workplace. I learn nothing about ethics, and leave with a desire to beat in the skull of the guy next to me, in the most unethical way I can manage.

Thursday Afternoon:
I graduate from uni (with honours!). The traditional black robes look ridiculous, but I really want to take them home with me, and wear them in everyday life. I have one of those official photos taken, and by the time that's done all the food is gone.

Friday Evening:
We celebrate my housemate's birthday with a trip into the city. We decide to take a horse-and-carriage ride down Swanston Street. We get in the carriage, and are just about to leave when a crazy drunk man leans in through the window and starts yelling at us. We can't understand most of what he says, but he claims he is "royalty" and we have "betrayed" him. We are caught between extreme amusement and nervous fear. Afterwards, the carriage driver apologises profusely to us.

Saturday Morning:
Despite getting to bed at 1am, I am up again at 7:30, and off to discuss the Bible with two other women. We DON'T get bogged down in inane questions, and actually get a chance to say what we mean - and then stop once we get bored. It's great!

Sunday Lunchtime:
My nephew's first birthday party takes place at my sister's house. I make sandwiches, and spend most of the afternoon catching up with my brother-in-law's sister. Alex opens lots of presents very enthusiastically, and then remembers how tired he is and cries. A good time is had by all.

Over the last few months quite a few people have complained to me about the "nasty evil old testament God who enjoys sending plagues and stuff". These comments have always struck me as slightly incorrect, but I could never put my finger on just what was wrong with them.
Until this morning, when I realised what it was:


Moses returned to the Lord and said, "Oh Lord, ever since I went to Pharaoh he has brought trouble upon the people, and you have not rescued your people at all."
Then the Lord said to Moses, "Return to Egypt and work on the pyramid-building, and when Pharaoh sees your Ghandi-like protest, he will surely relent and let you go."
And Moses said, "Oh Lord, will you not rain trouble on Pharaoh's kingdom until he releases us from slavery and lets us leave?"
But the Lord said, "What do you think I am? Heartless? Next you will be asking for plagues of locusts."
And Moses said to the Lord, "Well, now that you mention it... Couldn't you demonstrate your power to Pharaoh so that he realises that you are mightier than Ra and must be obeyed?"
But the Lord replied, "No. I must respect the belief systems of the Egyptians. To claim that I am superior to Ra would be downright rude. Now, return to your slavery and serve the Egyptians wholeheartedly."
And Moses said, "Thy will be done..."


Personally, I'd rather have the plagues.

"So, in your opinion, am I going to hell?"

Such a simple little quesiton. So entirely impossible to respond to.
Every time someone asks me this, they seem to be expecting a yes-or-no answer. So, what should I say?

"No, I don't." -I can't say that, because it's absolutely untrue.
"Yes, I do." -Technically accurate, but the cultural context of our conversation means that my answer will inevitably be interpreted as follows:

"Yes, you ARE going to hell! Because you're nasty-wrong-bad, and you have no redeeming features, and God hates you, and I hate you too, and you might as well DIE right now, you good-for-nothing SCUM!"
-which is not what I mean at all.

The problem is, to actually give a real answer, I need maybe ten minutes of discussion - and you can rarely do that at a party.

Really, I need to develop some kind of time freezing device...