Insane Soap Opera Plotline

[deird_lj]

Randomly, and for no reason, I'd like to talk about Days of our Lives.

Specifically, the episodes of DooL I watched in the summer between high school and uni - when I briefly became obsessed with it.


The problem with soap operas is, you sit down to watch one episode, and then stay to watch the next fifty. Or at least that's what happened to me.

I tuned in (randomly) because I was bored, and decided to watch it the next day... just so I could see the resolution of the storyline.

The resolution of the storyline took the next three months.


So, anyway...

The Epic Saga of "John"

(I don't actually have a clue what this guy's name was - despite watching his life every hour for three months - but he's always been "John" in my head. So that's what I'm calling him here.)

The characters involved in this particular plotline were:
- John. A handsome, rich, and generally wonderful human being. So much so that every woman within a fifty mile radius is in love with him.
- The Wife. A sexy blonde woman, who was married to John, and is about to renew her marriage vows. They are madly in love.
- The Doctor. Another sexy blonde woman, who is also madly in love with John. They are having an affair.
- Evil Elvis Fan. A third sexy blonde woman - this one with a very prominent southern accent, and an Elvis obsession. She is evil. And everyone knows it.
- The Nun. The twin sister of Evil Elvis Fan. (Yet another sexy blonde woman.)


And the storyline?

As far as I could tell (coming in after it had already started), it went something like this:

Evil Elvis Fan is in love with John. So she has an evil plan.

This plan involves
a) kidnapping The Wife and The Doctor
b) locking them up in "The Secret Room"
c) impersonating The Wife

"The Secret Room" is a room in John's mansion. He has no idea that it exists. It has enough food, water, and toilet facilities for two women to live in for several months, brilliant door locks, and a tv set linked to hidden cameras in every other room in the mansion.

Evil Elvis Fan locks the two women in the Secret Room. Where the two of them try to break out (and then give up in despair), bicker about who John loves the most (given that one of them's his wife and the other is his girlfriend, this conversation gets rather heated), and watch the tv.
The tv somehow knows where Evil Elvis Fan and John are in the mansion - and gives The Wife and The Doctor constant viewing of what's going on, so that they can look on the love of John and Evil Elvis Fan (disguised as The Wife) and despair. Which they do. At length.

Evil Elvis Fan, despite having a prominent southern accent and looking completely different from The Wife, is somehow managing to impersonate her perfectly. The only clue which might give her away is a tattoo of Elvis - on her ankle.

This leads to some very entertaining scenes, which go sort of like this:

Evil Elvis Fan: "Oh, John, my love. How I love you!"
John: "Oh, Wife! I love you too!"
(John turns despairingly aside, and murmurs "Oh Doctor - how I wish I could find you! Where are you, my love?" Somehow Evil Elvis Fan fails to notice this.)
Wife and Doctor (in T.S.R.): "Oh! John! He loves me!" (both taking separate portions of John's dialogue as proof that John loves only them)
Evil Elvis Fan: "Oh, John! My love!"
John: "Oh, Wife! My darling!"
Wife and Doctor (in T.S.R.): "John! Look at her ankle! LOOK AT HER ANKLE!!! It's Evil Elvis Fan! Look at the tattoo!"
John: "Oh, my dear one. Soon we will be married once more, and then all our dreams will come true."
Evil Elvis Fan: "Yes, my wondrous one!"
(Evil Elvis Fan turns towards the hidden camera, and smiles evilly at Wife and Doctor. Wife and Doctor promptly glare back at her - and then start an argument about who John loves the most.)
John: "Oh, Doctor... why are you missing, and how can I get you back?" *sighs*


After a few weeks of this, The Nun shows up.

And because the entire town knows that Evil Elvis Fan is evil, and because The Nun looks exactly like Evil Elvis Fan, everyone promptly decides that she's actually Evil Elvis Fan in disguise - and starts trying to kidnap her, so they can find out what her latest evil plans are and (somehow) thwart them.

Soon, The Nun is tied up in someone's basement, determinedly protesting her innocence, The Wife and The Doctor are trying to break out of the Secret Room (while keeping the other one locked in there somehow), and Evil Elvis Fan is happily planning her wedding and taking every opportunity to gloat over the hidden cameras.



It was hilarious. And SO FASCINATING.


...and that concludes my foray into daytime soap operas.


(There was really no point to this story. I just felt like discussing it.)

Comments

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I don't actually have a clue what this guy's name was - despite watching his life every hour for three months - but he's always been "John" in my head. So that's what I'm calling him here.)

That's okay. Neither did the show. They changed his parentage at least three times. "John Black" was basically a moniker he made up back during his amnesia period when he was introduced on the show (which I warn, I know far, far too much about. :)

The Wife. Except whe's incapable of telling the difference between him and her other husband (heh). Seriously Hubby #2 dies (Roman). (We really weren't to remember that there was a Hubby #1) John shows up with amnesia a few years later and despite the fact that John is a head taller, has a furry chest, and...well... I assume other parts, she thinks John is Roman. Hence John becomes Roman for, oh, six years or so (and his family buys it too!). Then wife dies. John gets involved with a few other women (all of whose names ended in vowels. Why? Dunno. It was a thing). Wife comes back from the dead but girlfriend is pregnant! Whoa! But that's okay because Roman (really, reall Roman) came back from the dead too! Played by the same actor as before! And no one went, "Boy, were we stupid! These two guys look nothing alike and Roman is at least 8 inches shorter!" Hee! So Marlena (the wife) went back to Roman. John married his pregnant girlfriend, Isabella. Isabella has baby then promptly and politely got pancreatic cancer and died thus levaing John free again so that John can return to Marlena (wife) to have sex on the conference table only to then be caught by Roman and Marlena's 15 year old daughter that John had raised (and promptly sending her off the rails for oh, ten years or so).

After Marlena blew up her marriage with the illegitimate kid (that she named after John's dead wife) she wanted John back but he was by then involved with one of the multiple characters played by the actress who played the evil Elvis fan. That was when Marlena got possessed by SATAN! (I'm not kidding!!!).

BTW, Evil Elvis Fan's child that she tried to pass off as John's is now the evil centerpiece of the show ("Elvis John" is now a thirty-something going by the name "EJ", and pretty much the centerpiece of the show. Who wouldda thunk it?) And the 15 year old whose eyes were sporked by having seen John/Marlena conference room sex is the object of Evil Elvis Fan's Evil Child's obsession (raped her and she got twins... one of which named John! See, it makes a perfect circle... somehow.)

[spiralleds.livejournal.com]

But that's okay because Roman (really, reall Roman) came back from the dead too! Played by the same actor as before!

Actually the actor (Josh Taylor) that played (still plays?) Roman after it turned out that John wasn't Roman wasn't the original Roman (Wayne Northrupt), but he had been on the show previously as Chris Somethingchek. He owned a bar? restaurant?

However, Wayne Northrupt did come back for a brief stint to play the ev0l Dr. North, so there was this moment when the three actors who had/were playing Roman were clustered at the foot of Marlena's bed, all vying for her love.

:: rolls eyes and I've been annoyed with Marlena since 1991 when she came back from the dead in that horrid one piece jump suit.::

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That happened later. It was Wayne Northrup that came back the first time. Stephano had kept him in some secret island off of Chchenitza (though he'd kept Marlena comatose for 6 years on some other island... and even though it was Orpheus who had kidnapped her not Stephano. But that's okay, it makes about as much sense as Hope having washed up on the banks of the Mississippi having been Stephano's prisoner after having 'died' a prisoner of Ernesto while on an island in the Mediterreanean. Water currets in Daysland are mixy).

Wayne Northrup was Roman. Then Drake was Roman. Then Wayne was Roman again until Roman discovered that Belle was John's kid and not his. Then... I kinda think that Roman died again, but I cannot honestly say. Then Sammy found him not dead but suddenly Chris Kosicheked (and no one noticed!) who because Roman. Sammy dragged Chris-Ro to try to stop John and Marlena's wedding. Then Northrup came back as a previous husband of Marlena's (I'm going to call him Husband 0.5 because he's before the 'first' husband she had on the show, whose name is totally escaping me).

Oh Days, never make sense!

And I always loathed Marlena. I think it was the gasping. I remember when she was inprisoned in a basement in a white suit for months and that suit never changed from pristine white. Well, until the psychotic woman holding her prisoner dumped a turkey on her on Thanksgiving. My mom and I still joke about that white suit and the turkey dumped all over it. Boy, Marlena was annoying. And that was even before she was possessed by Satan or became the brainwashed serial killer that murdered Alice Horton by shoving donuts down the woman's throat...

[spiralleds.livejournal.com]

I think it was the gasping.

Yis. This Always when kidnapped/imprisoned and then it was some variation of :: gasp:: "My babies! I must get free for my babies!" :: clasp heart::

Uh, you mean the babies that are always off with nannies, relatives, upstairs sleeping, etc., when you aren't imprisoned? I can understand why you miss then so.

[me-llamo-nic.livejournal.com]

Best summary of John's character ever!

(Except where's the bit about he came out to be Colleen and Santo's kid, and thus Stefano's half-brother and EJ's uncle?)