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Commuting Fun
Remember in the old days, how they used to have the train drivers do those announcements about which station was next, and they were always so completely incomprehensible?
You know...
"Good afternoon passengers, our next station is Glen Iris. Next station Glen Iris."
and it would sort of become:
"GOO FTNOO PASSGNG NEX TON GLEE SS NEX STT GLESSS"
in a really loud boomy voice.
...I miss those days.
These days, they have an automated voice, by a computer woman, talking cheerfully about which station is next, and hoping we have a wonderful afternoon - all in a clear, easily understood voice.
At least that's the theory.
Technology, of course, is not exactly fool-proof. And so the "easily understood voice" can morph into something that sounds remarkably like the Slavene (Slaveen? Slivine? Anyone?) from Doctor Who.
Or it might slow down to snail's pace.
Or, like this morning, the computer lady might start screaming at you. Not a screechy voice - just one long drawn out wail...
And even if she sounds normal, she might lose track of where we're up to. Quite often, she's two stations behind.
The other day, we had Computer Woman inform us, very politely, that we were on the wrong train and needed to get off, because it wasn't taking passengers.
She did this every ten seconds for the entire trip.
Personally, I'd prefer to listen to the crazy guy who was in my carriage the other day. He seemed to have a fixation with imitating the train noises.
Every time the train slowed down he'd make soft "braking" noises, he'd do "beeping" when the doors were closing, every time we jerked to one side he'd pick up on all the little "thuds" and repeat them for us, and at every station he'd announce "next stop East Richmond"...
They should just hire him to make the announcements. He'd certainly keep us from getting bored.
"Good afternoon passengers, our next station is Glen Iris. Next station Glen Iris."
and it would sort of become:
"GOO FTNOO PASSGNG NEX TON GLEE SS NEX STT GLESSS"
in a really loud boomy voice.
...I miss those days.
These days, they have an automated voice, by a computer woman, talking cheerfully about which station is next, and hoping we have a wonderful afternoon - all in a clear, easily understood voice.
At least that's the theory.
Technology, of course, is not exactly fool-proof. And so the "easily understood voice" can morph into something that sounds remarkably like the Slavene (Slaveen? Slivine? Anyone?) from Doctor Who.
Or it might slow down to snail's pace.
Or, like this morning, the computer lady might start screaming at you. Not a screechy voice - just one long drawn out wail...
And even if she sounds normal, she might lose track of where we're up to. Quite often, she's two stations behind.
The other day, we had Computer Woman inform us, very politely, that we were on the wrong train and needed to get off, because it wasn't taking passengers.
She did this every ten seconds for the entire trip.
Personally, I'd prefer to listen to the crazy guy who was in my carriage the other day. He seemed to have a fixation with imitating the train noises.
Every time the train slowed down he'd make soft "braking" noises, he'd do "beeping" when the doors were closing, every time we jerked to one side he'd pick up on all the little "thuds" and repeat them for us, and at every station he'd announce "next stop East Richmond"...
They should just hire him to make the announcements. He'd certainly keep us from getting bored.
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Ah, I miss the polite automated voice- we get the conductor who walks through also doing announcements...funny when it's the old guy who loses track of it.. "good afternoon passengers, this is the 5:49 service to Ballarat, stopping at Ballan and Ballarat only. No stopping at Bacchus Marsh. Just Ballan. Just repeating, this is the express Ballan Ballarat train, stopping North Melbourne and Footscray *pause* No, what am I saying? Not stopping there. Just Ballan. And Ballarat.", followed by muttering, which causes the commuters to laugh.
The other morning, the conductor played the Thomas the Tank Engine theme over the system, saying Thomas wished us a nice day. And yes, he 'doo-dee-doo'ed along at the end after passenegers asked as he walked through why he didn't sing with it too... :-)
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Your conductors sound wonderful.
I've got to try V/Line trains again...
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He can't help it, I think he has a mental disorder...but still, it was sooo annoying. Maybe Connex shoudl hire him as a guide- I bet he knows all the stations on every line...
Some of the conductors are nicer than others, but all pretty decent folk. Not at all like ticket inspectors!
V/Line can take you to Ballarat i.e. where I live with my rabbit and DVDs and junkfood and (by then) new lounge suite...we still on for a sci-fi date at some point? :-)
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Oh, and I agree, the voice wishing you a nice day is just creepifying. Since when do they wish you a nice day? She never wished *me* a nice day... :-(
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I used to ride on a bus line where they had a driver who would shut off the automated system and sing the announcements. He had a great voice, too.
Though Crazy Little Asian Guy sounds even more interesting.
(It's Slitheen, btw.) :-)
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Wait, your automated voices wish you a wonderful day? That's pretty damn creepy.
They do indeed. It's supposed to make us feel like we have personal contact with the person talking. And yes, it's incredibly creepy.
I used to ride on a bus line where they had a driver who would shut off the automated system and sing the announcements.
Cool!
I was once stuck on a train for half an hour (some electrical problem), and the driver start telling us random jokes over the intercom just to keep us from getting bored and rioting...
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Pre-recorded voices do have the advantage that they are recorded by professional voice actors in a studio, rather than random drivers in the rather noisy environment of a train. Annoying, artificial cheerfulness is a problem, but that's a choice, not a basic part of the system. You can use "dear passengers, please" or drop it at will.
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From Laney
(Anonymous) 2008-07-16 09:48 am (UTC)(link)Singing conductors?
Jokes over the intercom?
Thomas songs over the intercom?
What has HAPPENED since I last used public transport?
I've never heard anything like it! It sounds great!
I did think about buying a "Mind the gap" tshirt after using the tube for 2 weeks around London once...
BTW, WHICH Thomas song? The old one or the new one?
Re: From Laney
(And I didn't make the Thomas comment, so I have no idea.)
Re: From Laney
Um, not being a huge Thomas watcher, I can only identify it as the "doo-dee-dee-doo-dee-dee-doooooo...dee-doo-doo-dee-doooo, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo, dee-doo-dee-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, dooooo" one.
It's chirpy.
Re: From Laney
(Anonymous) 2008-07-19 09:14 am (UTC)(link)The new one has words and is very impressive in its ability to brainwash.
When HIT Entertainment bought Thomas, they had to write a theme tune that was both catchy for kids and vaguely similar to the tune parents had grown up with (thus forestalling lots of horrified letters).
They did a VERY good job.
It took only seeing a couple of ADS to implant the wretched song firmly in my subconscious. I kept finding myself absent-mindedly singing, "... shunting trucks and hauling frieght, RED and GREEN and BROWN and BLUE..." at random times during the day.
That's without even watching the actual show.
It's not as funky... but boy, is it catchy.
Re: From Laney
Back in primary school, a friend and I once spent a whole day wondering where we knew the phrase "thankyou. May I?" from. After even asking the teacher, we finally remembered it was from the Twisties ad where the hunk in the drive-in movie looks out at a lady watching, says..."excuse me, yes you...they're Twisties, aren't they?" and then proceeds to step out of the film, sit down next to her, and when she offers him the bag, says "thankyou- may I?"
I can still recite far too many ads from my childhood, tv themes, cartoon songs, etc....I should be grateful I missed out on the new Thomas then, eh?
And now of course I had to look for the new theme... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CjCaZQNB7M&feature=related
And I found this too... oh, how positively British. Ra-ther. :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yPJKx90Ttg&feature=related
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We get free train newspapers for the journey home, these days. It leads to a lot of hiding behind them, but also a sort of unspoken agreement that when you've finished reading you pass it to the closest person without a copy - after all, you wouldn't bother keeping a free paper - so it sort of helps us socialise, as well...
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Brits drive me nuts, sometimes. My ever so British husband adored Australia when we visited because *shock!horror* people in shops were actually friendly and didn't spend all their time texting and talking to their mate on the next till.
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