Put the book down, and BACK AWAY...

[deird_lj]

On the train home this afternoon, there was a girl reading Twilight.

Somehow I managed to restrain myself from ripping the book out of her hands and begging her to read something more productive... like Cosmo.

Comments

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to get really curious about Twilight. Everyone above the age of 10 who's read it seems to absolutely hate it. Can it really be that bad?

...dumb question; of course it can. Still...

[deird1]

Oh, it really can.

I haven't read it myself - but I've read summary after summary, and a few thousand reviews and snarky comments... and this book is just appallingly bad.
Bella is the most Mary-Sueish person in existence, the romance is supposed to be all deep and meaningful but really just sucks, and the vampires are SPARKLY! THEY SPARKLE IN SUNSHINE! IT'S JUST INSANE!

If you'd like to read a fun piece of summary, check out this one:
I want to beat Edward Cullen with a stick

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Good lord.

I almost want to read it just to be able to bash it.

Almost.

[deird1]

Yeah... that's kind of where I am, too.

[twilight-dew.livejournal.com]

OMG! I just read the reviews of this book (never having heard of it before), and it is hi-larious! I agree... almost want to read it 'cause it sounds so bad it's almost funny.

[deird1]

Isn't it appalling?

And I don't think that review even mentioned the thing where Edward doesn't want to turn Bella into a vampire, because it'll damn her soul to hell (somehow... even though she'll live forever, and Twilight vamps are pretty much unkillable), so he decides that he won't have sex with her until they're married, and that will balance the whole vamping thing out. And Bella completely freaks out at the idea of marrying him - even though she REALLY REALLY wants him to turn her into a vampire so that they can be together for all eternity...

I'm surprised you haven't heard of it - it's been popping up all over the internet lately. Especially because book four is coming out next week.
People have been calling Stephenie Meyer the new J.K.Rowling, weirdly enough.

[lavastar.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be a scary lurker stalker type person, but I have this insatiable need to bash Twilight whenever possible. For some inexplicable reason a lot of my friends are all 'Oh, Edward! He is soooo romantic!' or 'Ooh, Jacob!' While I just sit there going, 'Uh, hello? Heard of Mary Sues and Gary Stus?' Because that's so what pretty much every character is - reading it is basically like you're reading Stephenie Meyer's creepy-ass fantasy where she's incredibly perfect and her boyfriend is too, yet there love is dooooooomed. Which is kind of awkward, actually, cause you feel like you're intruding on her weird dream-land of wonder. It's total crap writing, yet a lot of girls are into it because they're too stupid naive to realize that the perfect boyfriend doesn't really exist.

It does kind of have that 'guilty pleasure' thing going for it, though - which explains the fanaticism on both sides of hating it or loving it. A really hilarious and scarily accurate mostly-complete chapter-by-chapter review of it starts here.

And seriously? Vampires that sparkle in the sunlight? That part made me laugh my ass off, actually. Although it means a lot of people I know now think they know everything about vampires, or something, and insist on correcting me that 'No, vampires don't set on fire in the sun, they sparkle!' And I'm like, 'Okay, yeah they don't exist, but there's actually an established thing going on here in common mythology and pop culture that says they do, so shut up.'

Um. Anyways. I guess I did end up being all scary lurker stalker type person here. Sorry. I tend to get a bit crazy when people mention Twilight. *small cough*

[deird1]

How the heck could you be a scary lurker? You've been here for weeks...

but I have this insatiable need to bash Twilight whenever possible

Don't we all? I haven't read it, but I have so much fun reading snark about it.
I really don't understand why some people love it so much.

the perfect boyfriend doesn't really exist

Exactly. And plus, Edward? Hardly the perfect boyfriend. He's more a semi-abusive stalker with a martyrdom complex. Kinda creepy, really.

A really hilarious and scarily accurate mostly-complete chapter-by-chapter review of it starts here.

Hee! That's fantastic! And really accurate...

Although it means a lot of people I know now think they know everything about vampires, or something, and insist on correcting me that 'No, vampires don't set on fire in the sun, they sparkle!'

Oh dear...
But come on, people! Not even Dracula sparkled!
(The Ultraviolet vamps actually took it to the other extreme: any sunlight made them explode. Violently.)

I tend to get a bit crazy when people mention Twilight.

Quite understandable. :)

[lavastar.livejournal.com]

How the heck could you be a scary lurker? You've been here for weeks..

*shifty eyes* No I haven't...*throws self under bush*

Don't we all? I haven't read it, but I have so much fun reading snark about it. I really don't understand why some people love it so much.

*sigh* It's basically just about fantasies and wish fulfillment and unrealistic, adolescent notions about love. Even though, really, the whole thing just has a squick factor, despite everyone saying how 'romantic' it is. Because hearing about how someone watches me sleeping every night, like Edward does with Bella, well, that would really make me want to engage in a tortuously long and angsty relationship with them. *eye roll*

Exactly. And plus, Edward? Hardly the perfect boyfriend. He's more a semi-abusive stalker with a martyrdom complex. Kinda creepy, really.

Iknorite! He's all like 'I hate you. Go away.' But then he's like 'I said it because I want to eat you so much and can't be near you', and that makes it romantic? Hmmm...This somehow isn't the worst aspects of Bangel on steroids? Plus there's the part where he's always telling Bella what she should do for her own safety or whatever. And then she does the stupid thing anyways, and he's like 'You're dumb and suicidal'. *sigh*

And, hey, look what I found on Whedonesque! A very, very accurate article comparing Bella to Buffy! And here it is. (If it gives you some weird ad thing, just click Enter in the top right.) It makes some very good points about how Edward basically becomes Bella's entire life, and how Buffy, while she does experience love, does have other stuff to do. And how Bella's really wimpy and damsel-in-distress-y - not that she has to have super powers, but she's really emotionally weak. And how she basically has no personality so any girl reading it can substitute themselves for Bella and experience the oh-so-perfect love of the oh-so-perfect vampire. It's quite interesting, IMO.

[carlos-v-b.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the movie that's coming out! (I have seen the trailer... and I cannot unsee it)

Of course, I now have a new comic to read :-D

[deird1]

Don't forget the movie that's coming out!

Oh please can't I forget the movie? Please?

[ikona-rakasha.livejournal.com]

I love twilight. because it is sugary sweet book about love and bloodsuckers. yep there is the whole mary sue thing going on, but to me at least, Twilight has substence. the first book is a bit shallow, the next 2 make up for it. really make up for it in a huuuge way!

and the movie looks like it will be better than blood and chocolate at least lol!

[deird1]

Your logic does not resemble our earth logic...

From what I've seen, book two is mostly Bella trying to have near-death experiences so that she can hallucinate visions of Edward - because, of course, when your high school boyfriend breaks up with you, life really is no longer worth living... for months and months...
I'm not really sure that's much of an improvement.