Romantic Silence

[deird_lj]

So, along with the whole enemies in love thing, I think I've figured out another thing that turns me into a rabid shipper...

At least one of the pair cannot say "I love you".

It can be because they've never said it before, because they're completely screwed up, because they've had bad experiences saying it in the past, or because there's an excellent external reason (...such as being in a relationship with someone else) why they can't.
But, for whatever reason, they can't talk about "love".

This is true for most of the people I love seeing in relationships: House (with Cuddy), Mal Reynolds (with Inara), Aeryn Sun (with Crichton), Wes (with Lilah, or with Fred), Angel (with Darla), and (sorry, old-style Who fans) the Doctor (with Rose).
All those people have major issues - with relationships in general, and especially with this whole "I love you" thing.

The same is also true of Niles Crane (how do you tell someone you love her when you're both in relationships with other people?), Sam Carter (stupid military and its stupid rules), and Jack in While You Were Sleeping (when the woman you love is engaged to your brother).

And it's definitely true for Buffy Summers.

It's weird, because along with the whole thing of loving characters who can't talk about love, I get really annoyed when characters do.
And, in Lie To Me, we have this conversation:

"Do you love me?"
"I love you. I'm not sure I trust you."

...which was supposed to be all deep and meaningful, but was slightly marred by the fact that as soon as Buffy said "I love you" I started yelling at the screen: "Hah! You do not, you silly silly person!"

This isn't because I don't like Buffy/Angel. My reaction would pretty much have been the same no matter who the couple was.
I'm so very used to dealing with couples who won't say anything, and looking for subtle actions, gestures, facial expressions, pauses, and so on, that a blatant statement of "I love you" leaves me not believing a word they say.

Whereas, in the case of Buffy/Spike...

I have no problem whatsoever with Spike constantly running around trying to convince Buffy he's in love with her. One person in the relationship doing that is fine, as long as the other one...
um...
kisses him, tells him she trusts him more than anyone else, hangs out in his crypt, kisses him some more, has very exciting sex with him, keeps trying to break up with him and then changing her mind, gets jealous of him, looks after him, talks to him, feeds him, rescues him, depends on him, spends hours cuddling him, refuses to be without him, protects him, has every single person who sees them together commenting on how much they're into each other and how "hot" they are together and how much they rely on each other...
...and still can't bring herself to actually mention that she might possibly maybe be in love with him.

And really, they did an excellent job of making me all shippy. Had Buffy said "I love you" to Spike earlier on, it would have provoked the same reaction as the whole Buffy/Angel thing: "Hah! You moron! Of course you don't love him! You're still in love with Riley!"

...okay, not Riley.

But you get the point.

Whereas, by having Buffy not say anything, over and over, until the very last episode, the writers ensured that I would keep shipping Buffy/Spike pretty much forever.
Clever, clever writers.



Questions? Comments?

Comments

[immer-am-lesen.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I wish they'd included the bits in Serenity that were cut...read the lovely big shiny script-book-with-photos thing, it has nice things about Mal and Inara :-)

Which suddenly brings this wonderful Nathan Fillion out-take to mind, for no real reason "Kaylee, find that kid who's takin' a dirt-nap with Baby Jesus, we need a hood ornament!"

re. Carter and O'Neill....I love how in every alternate reality but one, they're married, having kids, etc...what the hell's wrong with this reality then dammit?
And in a deleted scene from Atlantis she mentioned to Kaylee sorry, the new doctor chick that she was in a relationship with someone, making it very clear without naming names who it was....
Sigh. Why delete the best scenes, people, whyyyyy?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

You just HAD to mention Wes/Lilah in this context, didn't you? I just finished re-watching s4, and that scene in the file room in "Home"... GAAAAAAAH. And the one in the basement with the axe, and in the sewer after they run from the beast and...

WESLEY: You don't feel.
LILAH: The only true thing I ever—
WESLEY: You didn't love me! You *couldn't*...
LILAH: We'll never know now, will we?

*curls up sniffling in a corner*

[debris4spike]

Yes - Buffy/Spike - it is an amazing relationship.

When I did a few thoughts at the end of my re-watch of Season 2 I realised that Buffy's "puppy love" was what all teens probably need (I didn't go through it!) ... but then her whole life was gradually taken apart, and she slowly put it back together ... and this is where I tend to think that love came (eventually) from ... her knowledge that she was going to lose her supported, friend, sparring partner ... her everything. Yes, she needed to travel a long way - but I think it was her true love.

I don't think she was in love with Riley, to me he was the "what students should be doing/trying to prove she is normal".

I loved Farscape ... and what I was able to watch of Stargate ... yes, they are great relationships ... Hadn't thought of this one-sided words, so I shall mentally re-view with that thought.

Thanks.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, obviously. I think, once both parties exchange "I love yous", the tension is broken. Where else is there to go, then? Sure you can show them working on the romance, but that's not as fun as watching the building up of that romance.

and (sorry, old-style Who fans) the Doctor (with Rose).

Auuuggghhh!!! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! The Doctor's a happily asexual 900+ year old alien, thankyouverymuch!!

;)

[swsa.livejournal.com]

kisses him, tells him she trusts him more than anyone else, hangs out in his crypt, kisses him some more, has very exciting sex with him, keeps trying to break up with him and then changing her mind, gets jealous of him, looks after him, talks to him, feeds him, rescues him, depends on him, spends hours cuddling him, refuses to be without him, protects him, has every single person who sees them together commenting on how much they're into each other and how "hot" they are together and how much they rely on each other...
...and still can't bring herself to actually mention that she might possibly maybe be in love with him.

I am the biggest sap in Sapville, so you'll have to excuse me, but OMG, seeing it broken down, so simply like that, it's like both "Duh! How could anyone still doubt it!?" and also kind of brings a tear to my eye. Sometimes I really do still miss them.

[cynicalshadows.livejournal.com]

After reading the post, I realized that you've articulated so well what makes me a shipper as well. I might want a couple to be together, but I want them to FIGHT to be together more. Easy love is boring love in my book.

Also, you didn't mention them as a couple you ship, so perhaps you do not watch the show. But may I recommend Chuck and Blair from "Gossip Girl"? Their non-relationship makes me all kinds of shippy.

[neutralalienist.livejournal.com]

Showing and not telling is always more satisfying, I think - and a lack of the latter leaves more room for interpretation, which is nice.

I didn't mind Buffy's "I love you" because she was young and swooning and that, but I didn't really believe it. In, say, Becoming II? I believe it. The relationship has to earn that credibility first, and then we can't be constantly hit over the head with it. And it certainly can't erase all of their issues, because that's unrealistic and boring.

Heh, lack of 'I love you's can work for any Doctor 'ship, really. (See, my icon is relevant! :D) Though I think one thing I don't like about the Doctor/Rose ship is - she can say it, and he can't, and it kind of adds to the unbalance? Yeah.

(And I know we're supposed to assume Handy said it, but thinking it was "You're fantastic" just makes me wibble, because I am pitiful that way.)

[lavastar.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I don't know, this wouldn't be a hard-and-fast rule for me, necessarily. But it makes a good bit of sense. Whenever two of the people have said "I love you", it's generally either a) so cheesy and sappy that you're bored to tears or b) totally untrue.

This can be circumvented, however, in the case of two "I love yous" canceled out by a tragic end to the relationship: for instance, I find Willow and Tara a wonderful and adorable and amazing couple, and even though of course Tara's death made me very sad, it also made the show interesting. I don't particularly understand people who think she shouldn't have died; yes, I love Tara and it's a sad thing, but I like it being sad, y'know?

This rule can also be applied to Wesley and Fred. Maybe they don't both say I love you, but they have their happysappy moment, which Joss makes interesting through Fred being taken over by Illyria and essentially dying.

And also for Xander and Anya: they're interesting for most of the years of their relationship because they quarrel and bicker, but when they seem all happysappy nearer to the wedding, it can only be made interesting by the wedding not happening. I mean, how boring would it have been to have the wedding go through perfectly, without a hitch, most beautiful day of their lives? Something has to ruin it for us to stay tuned.

I do like fluff. But it should be tempered by angst, methinks.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

I'm a fan of the looms, personally. I can't see Time Lords doing the mating dance in any way. Too stuffy. :)

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

angearia just linked me to this post, and all I can say is HELL YEAH.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Yup, here because of the link in angearia's journal and I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

I do have another kink which sort of trumps this one in certain circumstances: my marriage kink. So if Wash and Zoe said it or Coach and Mrs. Coach from Friday Night Lights or Helo and Athena or whatever, it's okay with me. Because their rock-solid foundation is the point, and I love that.

But it's much, much more interesting in other circumstances to showshowshow instead of tell. Yay!