Serious Post of Seriousness

[deird_lj]

A man who I work with died today, 2 metres away from my desk.
We think it was a heart attack. Whatever it was, the paramedics worked on him for almost an hour - right there in the office - before declaring him dead.
Most of the office are still in a state of shock. Several people dissolved into tears, and the rest just ended up standing around, not doing much of anything.

I don't know how normal it is for someone to respond to death by listening to angry chick music and watching massive amounts of Doctor Who, but that was my reaction.

I felt kind of clinical, actually - and I felt bad for feeling clinical and detached when everyone else was getting teary. People were getting really upset, and I was just thinking "Make sure Tim's okay, get Susanne a coffee, pray for the family, be nice to the ambulance guys - it wasn't their fault - and check my email..."
I don't know if that means I'm really out of touch with my emotions, incredibly good at dealing, still in shock, a completely emotionless droid, or brilliant in a crisis.

Really not looking forward to tomorrow. Not because of the empty desk, right across from mine - mostly because everyone will still be really upset, and I'll have no idea what to do.

It was really horrible, mostly: being so close, and not able to do anything. Someone had called an ambulance, some people who knew first aid were doing their best until the paramedics arrived, and all that I could do was pray, as hard as I could...

I took the train home early, read MX (paying close attention to all the gossip about Kylie Minogue's new boyfriend), and sat next to some extremely rowdy teenagers. They were chucking gobstoppers and ripped tickets around the carriage - which normally would have really annoyed me. But today I just watched them being so incredibly full of life, and I couldn't stop grinning.

So, anyway...
I'd appreciate prayers - especially for his family. And for all of us.