For Spike: A List
Jun. 26th, 2009 06:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deird_ljHere's a fic (err... sort of), written for the latest round at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
joss_las.
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For Spike: A List of Acceptable Topics for Light Dinner Party Conversation
1) The weather.
2) The rise in interest rates.
3) How nice the food is; what a brilliant cook your girlfriend’s sister is.
4) How nice the table’s flower arrangement is; what exquisite taste your girlfriend’s sister has.
5) Boston sightseeing – or “what I did today” (the fake version).
Corollary: Unacceptable Topics that Definitely Do Not Count as Light Dinner Party Conversation
1) How to beat people up – or “what I did today” (the real version).
2) Your girlfriend’s sister’s ex-boyfriends.
3) Your girlfriend’s sister’s first kiss.
4) Beer is better than wine; why is there no beer?
5) Beer drinking through the ages.
6) Cigarette smoking through the ages.
7) Extensive use of nicknames.*
* “Niblet” is fine; “Small-fry”, “Mini-Me”, and “Tater-tot” are not.
8) Why Boston was much better before the Depression.
9) Why Jon Stewart is a ponce who deserves to be eaten.
10) Black nailpolish; why it’s better than all other colors.
11) College is pointless; too much education makes people dull and pompous (I met him at college, you moron).
12) College dorms and what goes on there.
13) How to break into sororities and give all the girls a good scare.
14) Scaring people, in general.
15) Horror movies; why horror movies suck.
16) Soap Operas.
17) Poetry.
18) Why British spelling is the best.
19) Queen Elizabeth; how lunchable Queen Elizabeth looked when she was in her twenties.
20) Your girlfriend’s sister’s apartment and how clean it is; your girlfriend’s sister’s apartment and how messy it usually is.
21) What your girlfriend’s sister’s apartment looked like covered in used tissues and tubs of melted icecream after she spent three days bawling and watching chick flicks.
22) What you will do to the guy you’re talking to if he breaks your girlfriend’s sister’s heart like the last guy did.
23) The exact meaning of “scaphism”, and how it works.
24) Weird words you’ve memorised.
25) How long your girlfriend’s sister has been studying Ancient Sumerian.
26) Why your girlfriend’s sister is studying Ancient Sumerian. (I’m trying to ease him into the whole fighting-the-forces-of-darkness thing.)
27) That you can still kick your girlfriend’s sister’s ass at Scrabble.
28) Scrabble, and why the rules are unfair.
29) Monopoly.
30) Charades.
31) Poker.
32) Any and all topics which involve betting and/or money.*
* Or betting and anything else.
33) And, for that matter, any and all topics which involve you winning at anything.
34) Yes, that includes being a better boyfriend than your girlfriend’s broody ex-boyfriend was.
35) Any and all topics which involve violence.
36) Or sex.
37) Or fashion tips.
38) Or sex tips.
39) Or anything else which seems to be making your girlfriend’s sister’s newest boyfriend blush.
I AM HAVING HIM OVER AGAIN IN TWO WEEKS. PLEASE DO NOT SCREW THIS UP FOR ME.
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joss_las.For Spike: A List of Acceptable Topics for Light Dinner Party Conversation
1) The weather.
2) The rise in interest rates.
3) How nice the food is; what a brilliant cook your girlfriend’s sister is.
4) How nice the table’s flower arrangement is; what exquisite taste your girlfriend’s sister has.
5) Boston sightseeing – or “what I did today” (the fake version).
Corollary: Unacceptable Topics that Definitely Do Not Count as Light Dinner Party Conversation
1) How to beat people up – or “what I did today” (the real version).
2) Your girlfriend’s sister’s ex-boyfriends.
3) Your girlfriend’s sister’s first kiss.
4) Beer is better than wine; why is there no beer?
5) Beer drinking through the ages.
6) Cigarette smoking through the ages.
7) Extensive use of nicknames.*
* “Niblet” is fine; “Small-fry”, “Mini-Me”, and “Tater-tot” are not.
8) Why Boston was much better before the Depression.
9) Why Jon Stewart is a ponce who deserves to be eaten.
10) Black nailpolish; why it’s better than all other colors.
11) College is pointless; too much education makes people dull and pompous (I met him at college, you moron).
12) College dorms and what goes on there.
13) How to break into sororities and give all the girls a good scare.
14) Scaring people, in general.
15) Horror movies; why horror movies suck.
16) Soap Operas.
17) Poetry.
18) Why British spelling is the best.
19) Queen Elizabeth; how lunchable Queen Elizabeth looked when she was in her twenties.
20) Your girlfriend’s sister’s apartment and how clean it is; your girlfriend’s sister’s apartment and how messy it usually is.
21) What your girlfriend’s sister’s apartment looked like covered in used tissues and tubs of melted icecream after she spent three days bawling and watching chick flicks.
22) What you will do to the guy you’re talking to if he breaks your girlfriend’s sister’s heart like the last guy did.
23) The exact meaning of “scaphism”, and how it works.
24) Weird words you’ve memorised.
25) How long your girlfriend’s sister has been studying Ancient Sumerian.
26) Why your girlfriend’s sister is studying Ancient Sumerian. (I’m trying to ease him into the whole fighting-the-forces-of-darkness thing.)
27) That you can still kick your girlfriend’s sister’s ass at Scrabble.
28) Scrabble, and why the rules are unfair.
29) Monopoly.
30) Charades.
31) Poker.
32) Any and all topics which involve betting and/or money.*
* Or betting and anything else.
33) And, for that matter, any and all topics which involve you winning at anything.
34) Yes, that includes being a better boyfriend than your girlfriend’s broody ex-boyfriend was.
35) Any and all topics which involve violence.
36) Or sex.
37) Or fashion tips.
38) Or sex tips.
39) Or anything else which seems to be making your girlfriend’s sister’s newest boyfriend blush.
I AM HAVING HIM OVER AGAIN IN TWO WEEKS. PLEASE DO NOT SCREW THIS UP FOR ME.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 08:37 pm (UTC)I love Dawn's futile effort to tame Spike. How long do you think he kept it up? I give it three minutes.
Tater tot? Oh dear.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:38 am (UTC)Knew this was yours (and said as much to snowpuppies so I have a witness)!
Oh, that was you...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 08:46 pm (UTC)Also, I really want to use "tater tot" as a Dawn nickname now.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:39 am (UTC)I'm glad you like this!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 09:46 pm (UTC)(As opposed to poof positive which would be a subject on the second list under the general heading of 'girlfriend’s broody ex-boyfriend'.)
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Date: 2009-06-25 09:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 11:40 pm (UTC)Excuse me, uh, honey, I don't remember this "nailing" of which you speak. And that's against the rules of consent, you know? :P
(no subject)
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Date: 2009-06-25 09:56 pm (UTC)Very, very cute, and score for managing to make it very clear that this is Dawn talking to Spike, and Buffy's his girlfriend, without actually saying so by names. *claps*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:41 am (UTC)I'm glad you like it!
I love not using names...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-25 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:42 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked this!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 12:18 am (UTC)BWAHAHAH! "Lunchable"! You are brilliant and talented, and probably lunchable. This was terrific, from top to bottom.
I would just remind dear Dawn that honesty is the best policy, and she ought to know after all the weird secret keeping of her youth. Just saying. Still, some people have to learn the hard way...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:42 am (UTC)I'm glad you like it!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 01:23 am (UTC)Looks it up .
:: dies ::
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 02:48 am (UTC)WHY does deird1 even KNOW about this?
?@?@?@?@?
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Date: 2009-06-26 02:46 am (UTC)Especially 'lunchable'.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:44 am (UTC)I just know that Spike would find a way to make the approved topics naughty.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 03:53 am (UTC)Glad you like this!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 05:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 05:34 am (UTC)Glad you like it!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 07:33 am (UTC)*grins*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 08:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 08:39 am (UTC)*ponders signing up for the next round* *would probably be instantly recognized*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:38 pm (UTC)(Yes, everyone seems to be able to pick mine pretty quickly.)
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 09:45 am (UTC)I don't know why this one tickled me the most.
Wonderful stuff. *g*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 09:58 am (UTC)PS. Read this because of Petzi's page, and I don't know a thing about the original community where this was posted, so I'll have to go see what all the guessing is about.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:40 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:08 am (UTC)Smart, sly and funny, and I love how you've done it without the names.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:46 am (UTC)Off to google 'scaphism' now.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 12:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-06-26 12:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 01:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:42 pm (UTC)*pats Dawn*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:42 pm (UTC)Glad you liked this!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 06:02 pm (UTC)Great fic! I love list!fic.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:43 pm (UTC)And yes, I think he will probably view it as a challenge...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 06:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-26 10:43 pm (UTC)