Wishes Of The Restless

[deird_lj]

Final installment in still_grrr's April Fools month of badfic cliches.

Here is a songfic... or possibly a poemfic. It's based on the Dr Seuss book I Wish That I Had Duck Feet.
Apologies for some of my slightly dodgy attempts at rhyming.

Wishes Of The Restless

I wish that I had super strength.
And I can tell you why.
Then I could kick, and punch, and run,
and jump up really high.

I would beat up all the vampires,
if I was super strong.
And just to keep it interesting,
my friends could come along.

If I had super powers
I would have a lot of fun.
And every time I staked a vamp
I’d say a witty pun.

BUT…
If I did have super strength,
my principal would hate me.
My mother would not understand.
And nobody would date me.

And maybe one day I would have
to kill my broody boyfriend.
SO…
I don’t think being super strong
would be fun, in the end.

Instead of having super strength,
I know what I should do.
I wish that I had Watcher brains
(and I’d be British, too!).

I would polish up my glasses.
And I’d wear a lot of tweed.
And every evening I would choose
a brand new book to read.

I would say “dear lord” and “bloody hell”
and other things like that.
And if I wished to have a pet,
I’d get a zombie cat.

If I had Watcher brains
then I would drink a lot of tea.
And every time a book was needed,
people would ask me.

BUT…
If I was a Watcher,
whenever monsters were about,
they would break into the library
and try to knock me out.

And staying up all night to research
would make me quite tired.
And if I loved my Slayer
like a daughter, I’d be fired.

AND SO…
I won’t have Watcher brains.
They wouldn’t be much fun.
I wish that I had mojo,
and could out-do everyone.

If only I had magic,
I’d achieve my every goal.
I’d protect us all from ghosts,
or give a vampire back his soul.

“I’m the best at everything!”
I happily would gloat.
And all around me, people’s pencils
would begin to float.

And even if I found a spell
I could not manage yet,
At least I’d still be getting
a nice rat as my new pet.

BUT…
Not everything is better
when you put more magic in.
Or maybe I’d, by accident,
produce an evil twin.

And though magic is as easy as
a short walk in the park,
a few years down the track
my future’s looking kinda dark.

AND SO…
I’ve got a great idea.
A much, much better plan.
I wish I was a Zeppo.
Just a standard also-ran.

With my groovy Zeppo powers
I could always save the day.
I would scoff and jeer at danger.
And then I would run away.

I would be great at making jokes
and pulling silly faces.
And I’d have some secret knowledge
for sneaking into army bases.

No undead high school students
could set bombs inside my town.
And if clowns tried to stab me
I would calmly knock them down.

BUT…
Without some super powers,
being Zeppo wouldn’t thrill me.
And every single girlfriend that I had
would try to kill me.

I’d always have to research.
And I’d have to buy the donuts.
So I don’t want to be Zeppo
- I think that job would make me go nuts.

NOW…
Let me think about it.
All these things I want are bad.
And so I wish…
I wish…
I wish…
What do I wish I had?

I need to find the best idea…
I need a better way… Ah!
I know!
I will be all those things!
I’ll be a Combo Slayer!

With the mighty power of library books,
a very special heart,
some magic, and some super strength,
I’d really look the part!

I would sneak into the secret labs,
just because I could.
Then I’d beat up all the cyborgs,
and I’d drop them where they stood.

BUT…
Normal Slayers don’t like Combo Slayers,
so it seems.
They would hunt me down, and find me,
and they’d kill me in my dreams.

AND SO…
I think there are some things
that would not really suit me.
And that is why I think that I
just wish to be a Scoobie.

Comments

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

That's totally cute. Although based on the rest of the poem, I can't help thinking the last line should read

And that is why I think that I
don't wish to be a Scoobie.

[deird1]

Good point. I guess I was going with the idea of being a Scoobie other than the main four...

Glad you enjoyed it!

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

A lot of those guys wound up dead. Even less appealing, if you ask me.

[deird1]

Thankfully, however, dying in the Buffyverse leaves you with a high likelihood of returning from the grave.

[runs-w-skissors.livejournal.com]

I absolutely LOVE this poem! It would make a great song!
I smiled at all the references that only "'buffy' addicts" could really appreciate.
But even tosomeone who never saw Buffy, it addresses a very poignant and common issue that everyone has about, "what if I was....."
Then common sense takes over and we realize we should be happy with what we are."The grass isn't always greener..." sort of thing...
Thanks for letting me rant
Great work!
k

[deird1]

Thanks!

it addresses a very poignant and common issue that everyone has about, "what if I was....."

I think, Buffyverse-wise, they sort of had everyone going round in a circle at one point:
-Buffy wanting to be Xander (normal life, and so forth)
-Xander wanting to be Giles (knowledge guy!)
-Giles wanting to be Willow (with super magic powers)
-Willow wanting to be Buffy (because she hated just being "the sidekick")

...or I might just be on crack.


Glad you liked this!

[lavastar.livejournal.com]

Doing that thing that I did with Snowy where I go back and read old fic. Cause fic is yummy, and I like reading stuff I know I'll like. XD

Can I just say that this was adorable? Is that fair? Would that be permissible?

And hell, the rhyming is better than the shit I've tried to pull. Eegads.

Very fun, I loved it!

[deird1]

Thanks!

Doing that thing that I did with Snowy where I go back and read old fic.


Oooh...

So many comments in my inbox...

[snickfic]

This is fabulous. I wouldn't have appreciated it a year ago, but a friend of mine gave me a recording of her reading (among other things) I Wish I Had Duck Feet, and now I totally get this poemfic. You rock.

(Although, I do kinda agree with a2zmom - being a Scooby is looking pretty unappealing right now...)

[deird1]

I'm glad you like it!