Commuting Fun

[deird_lj]

Remember in the old days, how they used to have the train drivers do those announcements about which station was next, and they were always so completely incomprehensible?

You know...

"Good afternoon passengers, our next station is Glen Iris. Next station Glen Iris."

and it would sort of become:

"GOO FTNOO PASSGNG NEX TON GLEE SS NEX STT GLESSS"
in a really loud boomy voice.


...I miss those days.


These days, they have an automated voice, by a computer woman, talking cheerfully about which station is next, and hoping we have a wonderful afternoon - all in a clear, easily understood voice.

At least that's the theory.

Technology, of course, is not exactly fool-proof. And so the "easily understood voice" can morph into something that sounds remarkably like the Slavene (Slaveen? Slivine? Anyone?) from Doctor Who.
Or it might slow down to snail's pace.
Or, like this morning, the computer lady might start screaming at you. Not a screechy voice - just one long drawn out wail...

And even if she sounds normal, she might lose track of where we're up to. Quite often, she's two stations behind.

The other day, we had Computer Woman inform us, very politely, that we were on the wrong train and needed to get off, because it wasn't taking passengers.
She did this every ten seconds for the entire trip.


Personally, I'd prefer to listen to the crazy guy who was in my carriage the other day. He seemed to have a fixation with imitating the train noises.
Every time the train slowed down he'd make soft "braking" noises, he'd do "beeping" when the doors were closing, every time we jerked to one side he'd pick up on all the little "thuds" and repeat them for us, and at every station he'd announce "next stop East Richmond"...

They should just hire him to make the announcements. He'd certainly keep us from getting bored.

Comments

[immer-am-lesen.livejournal.com]

OMG the little Asian dude? He goes 'beeeepbeeepbeeep' at the doors, calls out the stations....argh, he drove me *nuts*. I'd do the choose-another-carriage thing if I saw him in it- not as bad as the obnoxious wheelchair lady with tenthousand windchimes and yippy dog though. :-|
Ah, I miss the polite automated voice- we get the conductor who walks through also doing announcements...funny when it's the old guy who loses track of it.. "good afternoon passengers, this is the 5:49 service to Ballarat, stopping at Ballan and Ballarat only. No stopping at Bacchus Marsh. Just Ballan. Just repeating, this is the express Ballan Ballarat train, stopping North Melbourne and Footscray *pause* No, what am I saying? Not stopping there. Just Ballan. And Ballarat.", followed by muttering, which causes the commuters to laugh.
The other morning, the conductor played the Thomas the Tank Engine theme over the system, saying Thomas wished us a nice day. And yes, he 'doo-dee-doo'ed along at the end after passenegers asked as he walked through why he didn't sing with it too... :-)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Wait, your automated voices wish you a wonderful day? That's pretty damn creepy. I don't want a machine to wish me... anything. WTF is the point?

I used to ride on a bus line where they had a driver who would shut off the automated system and sing the announcements. He had a great voice, too.

Though Crazy Little Asian Guy sounds even more interesting.

(It's Slitheen, btw.) :-)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_sabik_/]

Heh, I was just reading last night how on the Moscow metro they have a male voice on in-bound/clockwise trains and a female voice on out-bound/counter-clockwise. Not sure where they switch over, given that their lines are generally through-city (like our trams), but I guess the main thing is you notice pretty quickly if you get on the wrong train at the platform...

Pre-recorded voices do have the advantage that they are recorded by professional voice actors in a studio, rather than random drivers in the rather noisy environment of a train. Annoying, artificial cheerfulness is a problem, but that's a choice, not a basic part of the system. You can use "dear passengers, please" or drop it at will.

η

From Laney

[(Anonymous)]

Creepy little Asian guys making braking noises?
Singing conductors?
Jokes over the intercom?
Thomas songs over the intercom?

What has HAPPENED since I last used public transport?
I've never heard anything like it! It sounds great!

I did think about buying a "Mind the gap" tshirt after using the tube for 2 weeks around London once...

BTW, WHICH Thomas song? The old one or the new one?

[kitty-poker1.livejournal.com]

I was once on the Tube in London and we came to a screeching halt, and stayed there, counting our toes. The driver came on the intercom and announced that the restaurant was in the second carriage, the pool in the third and the sauna in the fourth. Whaddya know, people actually starting giggling and talking to one another! Unheard of, on the Tube. Hiding behind a newspaper is the usual method of passing time. *g*