Made To Order

[deird_lj]

Here's another "friendship" ficlet for still_grrr .
This one is about Dawn and Tara.

Made To Order

Memories spill over into being, forming themselves to create someone new. Someone special.
They drop, one onto another, in a haphazard pile. Slowly they knit themselves together, and start to build a life… from the bottom up.

My knee hurt and I cried. Buffy picked me up, and gave me a hug.
“Shh. It’s okay. Let’s go ask Mom for ice-cream.”

A space is formed, between the chosen group – a space where no space was. And gently, so gently, they begin pushing a life in through the gaps.
Well, not actually a life – not yet. More the pre-life echoes of what will soon be. The birth-pangs, if you will.

“Is Daddy going to come back home?” Mommy cuddled me, and didn’t say anything.

A lot of this may seem like unnecessary filler. But really, it is of the utmost importance.
Life, you see, is fragile.

Buffy’s friends were watching a movie.
The boy looked over and saw me. “Hi. You must be Dawn.” He held out the bowl. “Want some popcorn?”

Life must be whole – complete – or it will shatter in your hands.
And so history is rewritten, not in one leap, but moment by moment. Memory by memory.
It’s all important.

“…and the bishop goes in diagonal lines, and the knight does L shapes.” I smiled. “See? I am ready to play!”
Willow nodded. “Okay. We’ll try one game. And don’t worry – I’ll talk you through the tricky moves.”

Even the smallest parts.

It was really unfair, because it wasn’t my bedtime yet, but Mom said “upstairs”, and I went. And I couldn’t even hear what they were saying. And the blond man had looked really interesting, too…

One by one, every person is picked up, examined, and reshaped to fit the new reality. They must be subtly changed – properly fitted to protect this most precious of humanity’s possessions.
Each one of them has a role to play.

“Hey, midget.” Faith gave me a high five.

Some will guide her.

“Dawn, this book is very rare, and very valuable. Please, don’t touch it.”

Some will provide for her.

“Morning, pumpkin. Waffles, or cereal?”

Some will protect her.

“Would you stop being so annoying!”

And some will be her friends.

Xander wore a really cool shirt that day. He’s so cute! And really funny.

All these people – all these memories – will help to shape this life into what it is becoming.
Every memory will contribute.

If Buffy and Riley started groping on the couch again, I was going to vomit.

Every moment must fit.

Willow smiled at me. “Dawn, this is my friend Tara.”

And this one – this person will be important.
Very important.

“Hi, Tara. Do you go to college with Buffy and Willow?”

A motherless woman for a soon-to-be-motherless Key… um… girl.
Everyone has a role to play.

“Buffy’s out slaying things.”
Tara nodded. “I know. I thought you might want some company.”
That was kinda nice of her. And we had lots of fun watching tv together.

It is, in fact, a near-perfect fit.

It was funny how adorable a ball of string could be in the right paws.
“She’s so cute! What’s her name?”
“Well, she doesn’t really have one yet.”
“How about… um… Miss Kitty Fantastico!”

And so the old reality is moulded to hold this friendship in place, and a college student shifts, ever so slightly, to make room in her life for a little girl.

“Merry Christmas.”
“It’s June.”
And she knew that, but she gave me the present anyway. It was a new diary – which was great because my latest one was almost full.

A little girl who isn’t yet.

“Want to go get milkshakes?”
“Okay!”

It’s not really all that unethical.
True, if it was they’d still do it anyway – the protection provided is so important. Much more important than letting people keep their old thoughts.

Tara stayed over while Mom was at some gallery thing, and we made nachos.

But in this case, the mothering is already there – hidden under shyness and fears.
All they are doing is providing someone to be mothered.

“Bye, Tara! Bye, Willow!”
Willow waved. “Bye, Dawnie! See you soon.”
Tara just smiled, and nodded goodbye.

…on the other side of the world, someone wakes up.
“Willow?”
“mmphlegnormm… Tara? Is something wrong?”
“Did you feel that?”
“What?”
“Like reality just… I don’t know. It was almost like my memories…”
“mmm.”
“Willow?”
“ymmennomph… I’m listeni…”
Tara sits there and tries to figure it out, but everything seems normal. It was probably nothing.

Comments

[shapinglight]

Like all your fics, that was beautifully thought out and well-written, and this case, poignant in the extreme.

[deird1]

I'm so glad you liked it!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Awwww. As always, I'm a sucker for Dawn backstory, and this is excellent - I love the way you weave everyone in bit by bit (pun not intended) and the last scene is adorable with a tiny slice of creepy. It's not quite the way I picture the monks doing it, but it works really well.

[deird1]

Thanks! I'm glad you like it.

So... how do you picture the monks doing it?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

My fanwank for how the Dawn memory spell works: I don't think a bunch of Czech monks would be able to imprint dozens of people with 14 years' worth of credible memories of a girl in California. If they're smart, they simply made a spell that works sort of like a virus: it gathers information and reproduces itself. They equip her with some basic traits (sister of Buffy, daughter of Joyce, needs protection) and anyone who comes in contact with Dawn gets "infected," so that the virus goes through their memories and adapts them to include Dawn - and, of course, adjusts Dawn's own memories accordingly. That way, the monks don't actually need to come up with any details at all, they just need to trust the human brain's imagination and willingness to fill in the blanks. "The monks made her out of me," indeed; Dawn is what everyone remembers her being.

This might mean that Angel(us), for instance, had never heard of Dawn until the phone call in AtS s4, at which point he immediately remembered her all the way back to s1 of BtVS.

Or maybe I'm just a geek. :-)

[deird1]

Ooh. How very interesting...

Which would mean that Hank Summers wouldn't actually know about daughter number two until he called home. (Hey, what if Buffy answered and asked if he wanted to talk to Dawn? Would he know what she was talking about?)

Actually, my usual how-the-monks-created-Dawn idea is a bit closer to yours than it is to this fic.
I tend to think of it as if Dawn as the Key kind of has her own 'personality', which defines the sort of person she'll be in human form. And all the monks do is make it so that the Key
a) becomes human
b) has memories (and has those around her remembering her)
c) makes people want to protect her
...and the Key's natural personality fills in what she's like, and what all those memories actually are.

(I'm not sure how much that works, but it would kind of explain why Dawn seems so much younger in her first few episodes - the monks create her to be young, to make everyone really protective, but eventually her natural identity starts reasserting itself... or something.)

Can you tell I haven't really thought about this enough?

[snowpuppies]

A space is formed, between the chosen group – a space where no space was.

This is spot-on.

Lovely piece, hon.

[deird1]

I'm glad you liked it!

[taiba.livejournal.com]

You write beautifully.

So jealous ;-)

[deird1]

Thanks!

[lavastar.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, that was really cute. I like Perceptive!Tara, because of course she'd feel the monks messin' with her memories. And she and Dawn have the cutest friendship-slash-mother/daughter thing ever. The memories you put in here all sort of made Dawn more, even though they were all short. And I liked the narrative thing about the monks. And at the end, with Willow going all 'ymmennomph'...that was adorable. ^-^ Great job!

[deird1]

I'm glad you liked it.

with Willow going all 'ymmennomph'...that was adorable

Heh. You have NO idea how long it took me to come up with believable half-asleep noises. I think it was probably longer than the entire rest of the fic...

[lavastar.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's so funny. Making believable sleep sounds must be hard - but you did a wonderful job!

[dreamincolor.livejournal.com]

Wow.

I loved the narration style of this piece. It had such a great flow to it, and put us inside the monks minds – a place we never really ended up in the series.

And so history is rewritten, not in one leap, but moment by moment. Memory by memory.
It’s all important.
I like the idea of Dawn’s personality, and her relationships, being built one moment at a time. I kind of always pictured it as a KABLOOM! Instant Dawn – but I like this way better. It seems more..complex. Like people should be.

N’ of course, loved Dawn naming Miss Kitty Fantastico, high-fiving Faith, and noticing Xander for the first time over popcorn. And the Dawn/Tara, motherly relationship always gives me the fuzzies, you did a great job with that.

It was all the detail in there that really balanced out the broad statements that made up a lot of the narration. So, at the risk of sounding like I’m using some kinda rubric, I’ve gotta say that this was really well organized - switching between the memories that were being created, and the greater plan that was behind them.

And the ending – of course Tara would notice her memories being messed with, perceptive thing.

Well done. –big huggle squishes-

[deird1]

I just love getting feedback from you. You notice so many interesting things...

Dawn naming Miss Kitty Fantastico, high-fiving Faith, and noticing Xander for the first time over popcorn

I had fun putting Faith in there - I've never really thought much before about how she would have talked to Dawn. And the Miss Kitty Fantastico thing, if you remember, comes from Five Of Willow's Pets - it's always seemed to me like such a Dawnish sort of name.

I’ve gotta say that this was really well organized - switching between the memories that were being created, and the greater plan that was behind them.

Oh yay! Glad to see it worked...

of course Tara would notice her memories being messed with, perceptive thing

If anyone did, it'd be her, really. Especially given the whole bodyswap thing - she was the only one to pick up on that.

the Dawn/Tara, motherly relationship always gives me the fuzzies

Me too... *happy sigh*


I'm glad you liked this!

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful. I love that Dawn is just poured into the group, filling in spaces in their lives. The monks' machinations made her welcome, and that welcome remained even after the truth came out. Clever.

[deird1]

Thank you.