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deird_ljImagine that someone believes that pasta is evil.
This person doesn't have any personal grudge against pasta, exactly. But she has, her whole life, been told by people she trusts that pasta is bad, pasta is destructive, and no good can come of pasta. She has heard people talk about how they used to love pasta, but now they've come to realise the truth - that pasta is evil - and they don't go near pasta anymore.
She's never eaten pasta herself, but she doesn't see this as being close-minded - she sees it as being justifiably cautious. After all, everyone knows that pasta is bad and can seriously ruin your life, so why would you try eating it?
Unfortunately for this person, several of her friends - people she cares about deeply - are pasta enthusiasts. They eat pasta - they regularly eat pasta! And she's been getting seriously worried about them.
Plus, on top of all this worry, she's confused. All these people she keeps seeing eating pasta, they're all doing okay. And she's always been told - and really believed - that pasta was a really good way to wreck your life.
And now she's wondering - was she right? Are her pasta-eating friends in danger of pasta-poisoning? Or was she wrong? Is pasta harmless after all? And if so, are all the trusted people who warned her off pasta deluded? Or messing with her head? Or what? And can she even trust anything anymore?
Imagine that you know this person.
You meet her, right in the middle of her existential pasta crisis.
What do you do?
One reaction would be to get really insulted. After all, this chick is against pasta - and you love pasta! How dare she!
She's obviously stupid, judgemental, and completely unfeeling! And also delusional. And clueless. And probably drowns puppies, too.
....which is fair enough, really. After all, having someone freaking out about you going to Italian restaurants can be kind of upsetting. But, on the other hand, calling this person names probably isn't the best solution. All you'll do is convince her that all pasta-eaters are rude and horrible.
And remember - while you've been sitting there thinking that she's delusional for being anti-pasta, she's been thinking the same thing about you - that if you could only see the very clear problems with pasta, you'd agree with her.
You could roll your eyes and ignore her.
You could tie her to a chair and force pasta down her throat.
You could refuse to speak to her until she stops fixating on cuisine.
...or you could try to understand where she's coming from. And you could realise that what she needs, right now, is reassurance.
Her entire world is in turmoil - half of her thinks pasta is dangerous, half of her thinks it might be okay actually, she's not sure what to think or who to trust, and underneath it all is the nagging concern that maybe pasta really is evil and she's just getting sucked in...
And you know, if you're patient with her, if you try to see her point of view, and at the same time try to explain why you think pasta eating really is okay, she might just start to understand.
Or you could just yell at her. That'll help.
And please remember - part of the reason she's freaking out so much at the idea of you eating pasta is because she's concerned - worried about you. Because she is terrified that the evil pasta will hurt you... and she doesn't want to see you getting hurt.
By now, you've probably thought through all the things I could be talking about - especially the seven different ones that have been being discussed a lot lately - and you've decided which one of those I'm talking about.
And you'd be wrong. Because I'm actually talking about four of them.
I've been seeing a lot of people lately, on both sides of the fence, assuming an awful lot of stuff about the people on the other side of it.
And deciding that the absolute best way of dealing with this is by yelling at them until they change their minds.
And, you know, I don't really want to get into a discussion about the specific rights and wrongs of any of those four situations. I'd just like to see everyone trying to understand, even a bit, that just because someone has an opinion you think is totally insane, it doesn't necessarily make them a terrible non-human puppy-drowner.
Maybe, if you stopped yelling at them, and started trying to understand, they might start trying to understand you too - and might even realise that you're right. And that pasta really can be yummy and delicious.
This person doesn't have any personal grudge against pasta, exactly. But she has, her whole life, been told by people she trusts that pasta is bad, pasta is destructive, and no good can come of pasta. She has heard people talk about how they used to love pasta, but now they've come to realise the truth - that pasta is evil - and they don't go near pasta anymore.
She's never eaten pasta herself, but she doesn't see this as being close-minded - she sees it as being justifiably cautious. After all, everyone knows that pasta is bad and can seriously ruin your life, so why would you try eating it?
Unfortunately for this person, several of her friends - people she cares about deeply - are pasta enthusiasts. They eat pasta - they regularly eat pasta! And she's been getting seriously worried about them.
Plus, on top of all this worry, she's confused. All these people she keeps seeing eating pasta, they're all doing okay. And she's always been told - and really believed - that pasta was a really good way to wreck your life.
And now she's wondering - was she right? Are her pasta-eating friends in danger of pasta-poisoning? Or was she wrong? Is pasta harmless after all? And if so, are all the trusted people who warned her off pasta deluded? Or messing with her head? Or what? And can she even trust anything anymore?
Imagine that you know this person.
You meet her, right in the middle of her existential pasta crisis.
What do you do?
One reaction would be to get really insulted. After all, this chick is against pasta - and you love pasta! How dare she!
She's obviously stupid, judgemental, and completely unfeeling! And also delusional. And clueless. And probably drowns puppies, too.
....which is fair enough, really. After all, having someone freaking out about you going to Italian restaurants can be kind of upsetting. But, on the other hand, calling this person names probably isn't the best solution. All you'll do is convince her that all pasta-eaters are rude and horrible.
And remember - while you've been sitting there thinking that she's delusional for being anti-pasta, she's been thinking the same thing about you - that if you could only see the very clear problems with pasta, you'd agree with her.
You could roll your eyes and ignore her.
You could tie her to a chair and force pasta down her throat.
You could refuse to speak to her until she stops fixating on cuisine.
...or you could try to understand where she's coming from. And you could realise that what she needs, right now, is reassurance.
Her entire world is in turmoil - half of her thinks pasta is dangerous, half of her thinks it might be okay actually, she's not sure what to think or who to trust, and underneath it all is the nagging concern that maybe pasta really is evil and she's just getting sucked in...
And you know, if you're patient with her, if you try to see her point of view, and at the same time try to explain why you think pasta eating really is okay, she might just start to understand.
Or you could just yell at her. That'll help.
And please remember - part of the reason she's freaking out so much at the idea of you eating pasta is because she's concerned - worried about you. Because she is terrified that the evil pasta will hurt you... and she doesn't want to see you getting hurt.
By now, you've probably thought through all the things I could be talking about - especially the seven different ones that have been being discussed a lot lately - and you've decided which one of those I'm talking about.
And you'd be wrong. Because I'm actually talking about four of them.
I've been seeing a lot of people lately, on both sides of the fence, assuming an awful lot of stuff about the people on the other side of it.
And deciding that the absolute best way of dealing with this is by yelling at them until they change their minds.
And, you know, I don't really want to get into a discussion about the specific rights and wrongs of any of those four situations. I'd just like to see everyone trying to understand, even a bit, that just because someone has an opinion you think is totally insane, it doesn't necessarily make them a terrible non-human puppy-drowner.
Maybe, if you stopped yelling at them, and started trying to understand, they might start trying to understand you too - and might even realise that you're right. And that pasta really can be yummy and delicious.
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 01:07 am (UTC)But there's also the part where I really would like to know which things you're talking about. And I'm absolutely not trying to start a pasta-yelling debate here - it's just that I can only think of one, and will definitely go batshit insane if you don't tell me what they are.
And no one wants a batshit insane fangirl, do they? *big, hopeful smile*
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 01:17 am (UTC)Some may think the two are indistinguishable, but I assure you there are differences :-)
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 06:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 08:13 am (UTC)But I like yours better - let's go with yours.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 08:11 am (UTC)And no, I'm not going to tell you specifics.
I will tell you this: two were political (one Australian, one American), one was a big discussion in Buffy fandom recently (which almost set off this rant - but I made this post instead), and one arrived in fandom circles this week (and made an appearance on metaquotes). More than that, I'm not saying...
no subject
Date: 2008-09-26 12:22 am (UTC)Plus I understand the not-wanting-scary-flame-wars bit. But thanks for attempting to appease my curiosity! It does make me feel less batshit insane.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-26 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-26 01:44 am (UTC)There's also
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 04:44 am (UTC):P
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 06:39 am (UTC)Christianity vs. Atheism
Gay vs. Straight
Never mind that dichotomies are as much a human invention as generalisations.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 08:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 10:55 am (UTC)Not that shouting ever works, except for blowing off steam of course.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 11:28 am (UTC)(And you're obviously good at reading my mind - the latest B/A, S/B debate was one of the four.)
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 12:01 pm (UTC)I'd ask you for a link, but then I would follow the link and read the debate, and then I would probably get cross. Who was shouting at whom? In my experience, it's usually the B/A'ers who are the shoutiest and the first to throw the brickbats of outraged morality, but I'm sure they would say the opposite.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 12:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-13 02:50 am (UTC)I like this quote. I would like to use it in day-to-day conversation, and site you accordingly.
Good analogy.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-13 09:41 am (UTC)