Electric

[deird_lj]

So, still_grrr is going through the seven deadly sins, and this week’s prompt was lust.

I'm a gen writer. Lust isn’t really my specialty.
But I decided to see if I could write a sex scene without writing the sex scene, by turning it into a metaphor inside the mind of Gwen Raiden.

So, here's a brief, metaphory, Gwen/Gunn ficlet...



Electric

She’s new at this, and for a moment she freaks, but then, mid-kiss, she suddenly realises something:

Sex is like electricity. She knows about electricity.


She’s been grounded and harmless for so long – sitting dormant.
But then they touch.

And only one touch is needed, one connection, and suddenly they’re conducting better than metal, and they both turn live.

Live is electric. Live is dangerous. Live is… new.

Electrons start flowing, one after another – because there’s this space between them, and space is bad. Distance is bad. The electrons rush to cross the gap and pull the two of them together, not an inch of space left between.

But every electron is followed by another one, it’s inevitable, and soon they’re all racing through her, charging every part of her to an enormously high voltage, and then even higher.

She shudders under the strain, and reaches for ground state, but the ground is so far away, and she’s never going to reach it again. She’s turned electric.
The air is electric.

And it really must be true that opposites attract – positive and negative – cause he’s so close now, so very close, and still she wants – needs – him even closer.
She’s never felt more magnetic.

The current spills through them, exciting every particle, and pushing up the heat – although heat comes from resistance, and she’s got almost no resistance left.

Electrons are slamming across them, the voltage is through the roof – and apparently their wiring is faulty, because something snaps and something EXPLODES and there’s current current current and the sparks are flying everywhere…


Gwen risked her life tonight. Risked everything – to turn the electricity off.
And now she’s suddenly realised:

Electricity? Isn’t nearly as bad as she thought.

Comments

[elisi]

Now that? IS gorgeous. I'm very impressed!

[deird1]

Thanks!

[snowpuppies]

Very nice. The metaphor works for you, dear!

[deird1]

Glad you liked it!

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I love it. Perfect carry through of the metaphor and a great exploration of Gwen's feelings.

[deird1]

Thanks!

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

That is lovely. And remarkably sensuous.

[deird1]

Thank you.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi,

this is marvellous. Wonderfully evocative re: her natural fears about her own power. I found the line, "She's never felt more magnetic." particularly descriptive.

I can't recall too many fics about Gwen, let alone about her and Gunn but, in a marvellous piece of coincidence, I have just recently hunted down one of my all-time fave AtS drabbles, and actually made contact with the author (who it turns out lives not too far from me..!). It's called Short Circuit, the author M_Phoenix, and it is well worth a read.

For your perusal then:
http://community.livejournal.com/hyperion_lobby/160183.html#cutid1

great stuff,
and thanks for writing about an under-used character, on the show, and in fanfic,
Ray (kerkevik@btinternet.com)

[deird1]

I'm glad you liked it!

That drabble was really well written - thanks for linking me.

[dreamincolor.livejournal.com]

You know, I actually read this quite a while ago. Just about as soon as I got working net back, since you had mentioned it in your email, and was excited to go read it..

And yet, apparently, I didn’t comment. And I honestly can’t remember why, though I suspect it had something to do with not having enough time to comment properly.. That, or I was just being lazy. Also likely.

Aaaanyways.

Electrons start flowing, one after another – because there’s this space between them, and space is bad.

The best lines in this fic were, like this one, so simple. Your description of the whole situation was built on a simple metaphor..but it really works, and I think it’s simplicity is perfect. Perfect, because in situations like this, simple feels real. Because you’re right, people don’t think complex thoughts when they’re tumbling into bed with someone. It’s all simple, short, poignant things. Like, ‘space is bad.’


And only one touch is needed, one connection, and suddenly they’re conducting better than metal, and they both turn live.

Putting the whole thing in terms Gwen would understand makes it feel very in character, and strangely..pretty.


The current spills through them, exciting every particle, and pushing up the heat – although heat comes from resistance, and she’s got almost no resistance left.

And there’s the sexy. Puuuurr.


..apparently their wiring is faulty, because something snaps and something EXPLODES and there’s current current current and the sparks are flying everywhere…

And that’s just really good use of that metaphor – because I know exactly what you mean, but you make it sound..so…lovely. Like fireworks.


Gorgeous piece, darling. I’m very impressed.

Mooooore?

[deird1]

Glad you liked it!

Your description of the whole situation was built on a simple metaphor..but it really works, and I think it’s simplicity is perfect.

It also gave me a chance to use the ELECTRICITY part of my degree.
I'm glad the metaphor worked, though, because writing a sex scene was kinda intimidating, and without electrons and voltages I would have been stuck with no words...

Mooooore?

Um. If I think of more. Maybe.

(And although it has absolutely nothing to do with pretty pretty Gwen, allow me to take this opportunity to shamelessly promote the only fic I've written that you have not yet read: Grim Destiny. Completely different, and nothing like this, but there you go...)

[dreamincolor.livejournal.com]

allow me to take this opportunity to shamelessly promote the only fic I've written that you have not yet read

Damn, I thought I might've missed one..

-skips off to read away-