feline concepts of revenge
Jun. 17th, 2008 08:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deird_ljIf anyone wants to claim that animals don't understand the concept of "cause and effect", feel free to borrow Elf for a few weeks. And I'll sit here and laugh at you.
My cat was annoyed with me this morning, because he wanted more bikkies. I was operating under the quite ludicrous assumption that he had enough bikkies to eat, simply because I could see a bowl full of bikkies, right there on the floor.
Stupid idea. He didn't want those bikkies. They'd been there for hours. He wanted fresh bikkies.
So he meowed. And meowed. And meowed some more.
(Cause: annoyingly old bikkies. Effect: lots of noise, so Mummy will give me more.)
And I stubbornly sat there, and ate my breakfast.
I really should have paid more attention to what he did next.
He stopped meowing, walked into the living room, stayed there for a few seconds, and then walked back into the kitchen, and looked at me smugly.
I was, unfortunately, much more interested in my delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs, and ignored this ominous portent of doom.
(Cause: Mummy is ignoring me. Effect: she won't notice what I'm doing.)
A little while later, I moved into the living room. So did Elf.
He just sat on the couch, and watched me, carefully.
(Cause: I've done something really cool, and Mummy doesn't know about it yet. Effect: awesome suspenseful build-up to a really entertaining scene.)
And then, noticing the time, I realised I had to leave for work.
And I put on my coat.
My coat which, unfortunately, I forgot to hang up last night. It spent the night on the floor of the living room.
On reflection, the fact that Elf sprinted out of the room the minute I picked up my coat should have been a clue.
(Cause: unpleasant discovery, any moment now. Effect: Mummy will be REALLY REALLY MAD AT ME.)
He peed in it.
The little wretch peed right through my coat, just because he had old bikkies.
Eww!
What is really unfortunate is that I'm not getting home until six, so I had to give him more bikkies before I left - otherwise he'd be starving by the time I got home.
So now, he's going to think that peeing all over my clothes will work! Whenever I discover it, I'll give him more bikkies! Woo!
Remind me why I bought this animal, again?
Stupid idea. He didn't want those bikkies. They'd been there for hours. He wanted fresh bikkies.
So he meowed. And meowed. And meowed some more.
(Cause: annoyingly old bikkies. Effect: lots of noise, so Mummy will give me more.)
And I stubbornly sat there, and ate my breakfast.
I really should have paid more attention to what he did next.
He stopped meowing, walked into the living room, stayed there for a few seconds, and then walked back into the kitchen, and looked at me smugly.
I was, unfortunately, much more interested in my delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs, and ignored this ominous portent of doom.
(Cause: Mummy is ignoring me. Effect: she won't notice what I'm doing.)
A little while later, I moved into the living room. So did Elf.
He just sat on the couch, and watched me, carefully.
(Cause: I've done something really cool, and Mummy doesn't know about it yet. Effect: awesome suspenseful build-up to a really entertaining scene.)
And then, noticing the time, I realised I had to leave for work.
And I put on my coat.
My coat which, unfortunately, I forgot to hang up last night. It spent the night on the floor of the living room.
On reflection, the fact that Elf sprinted out of the room the minute I picked up my coat should have been a clue.
(Cause: unpleasant discovery, any moment now. Effect: Mummy will be REALLY REALLY MAD AT ME.)
He peed in it.
The little wretch peed right through my coat, just because he had old bikkies.
Eww!
What is really unfortunate is that I'm not getting home until six, so I had to give him more bikkies before I left - otherwise he'd be starving by the time I got home.
So now, he's going to think that peeing all over my clothes will work! Whenever I discover it, I'll give him more bikkies! Woo!
Remind me why I bought this animal, again?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-06-16 11:22 pm (UTC)LMAO.
Oh, love! I'm so sorry...well, I am, and yet, I still find it hilarious. At the very least I'm thanking my lucky stars that Hermione's too lazy to think of such things, although I have a feeling it's more that she's spoiled beyond belief. She's just too cute to say 'no' to, really!
Pussy-whipped?
Oh, yeah.
*sigh*
no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 01:48 am (UTC)Er, I mean..poor babe. -pats-
Psst, Elf! Go for the shoes, she'll never suspect..
no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 02:24 am (UTC)No! Don't give him ideas!
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Date: 2008-06-17 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 04:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 04:59 am (UTC)And annoyed as I am, I'm not cruel enough to lock him in the miniest laundry in the history of the world (TM) for the entire day. Maybe if he had more company - but I'm it. And I'm out a lot.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 11:29 am (UTC)and flop the shower curtain over the rod so it can't be played with, and put all the bottles in the cabinet under the sink and tie the handles together so they can't get in and fold up the bottom shelf on the towel rack and wedge it in place with a toothbrush so they can't knock it down and play with the towels and put the litterbox in the bathtub so that when they throw it everywhere it's easy to clean up and and and and.....
you learn to think like a cat...
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Date: 2008-06-17 02:58 am (UTC)Well written, and I sympathize. Kitties are smarter than they want us to think.
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Date: 2008-06-17 03:15 am (UTC)It's a hazard, yes. But a nice one!
Kitties are smarter than they want us to think.
Definitely.
Love your icon, by the way.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 11:22 am (UTC)Hehehe. That would be baby Riff. He was already showing signs of being the strategically evil one (as opposed to Torg, the chaotically evil one...).
Thanks!
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Date: 2008-06-17 05:34 am (UTC)Yes, this post is entirely an excuse to use my cute kitty avatar.
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Date: 2008-06-17 05:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 08:23 am (UTC)Hmmm....
Maybe it's time to don the garb of Mazz; the fastest water squirter this side of Chadstone.
Because nothing says The Inevitable Hand of Justice like a sudden light spray of water to the head.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 10:08 pm (UTC)...
...or maybe I should just buy a water squirter...
...yeah. I'll do that.
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Date: 2008-06-17 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 07:45 pm (UTC)Things like this are the reason I have never been drawn to have a pet since I moved away from home, no matter how cuddly they are. I spend too much time out of the house.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-17 10:09 pm (UTC)But still... they're so very cuddly. And they purr...